home tomorrow

i have felt so emotion filled all day long but its an emotion that is hard to explain. i feel sad to leave, but anxious to get home and get the "leaving" over with. last night we hung out on the roof with everyone and this morning was filled with finishing packing, then tals, zo and i went for shakshuka one last time (rach left yesterday [saying goodbye was awfully sad] and mia was getting ready to leave) and then i went to the artist fair one last time. i hung out with the other girls and said goodbye to mia and zo...cried and cried.

after that i just felt so anxiety ridden almost and i just felt like i couldnt even bring myself to go sit on the beach with some people so i went to the gym to try and clear my head. its strange. on my last day i feel guilty not running around the city but i really just want to relax and be with my thoughts and almost cocoon until it is time to get on the plane back home. i think i may be in shock actually that this is all over.

for shabbat we had dinner on the roof and hung out for a couple hours. a group of people went to the movies but i need to wake up at 4am for my flight and i felt the need to reflect more so tals and i are hanging out and we are going to watch when harry met sally.

when i think of my time here it was one big roller coaster of emotion. i could wake up in the morning and walk outside and think that this is where i belong...i feel comfortable....i ask someone something in hebrew and i understand what they say back...i get a call on my phone from one of my girlfriends and meet them for an israeli breakfast at lunch time...i look out at the beach and realize there isnt a more beautiful place in the world, i challenge myself in the way i view life and i feel like i am succeeding..

and then i run into someone, or someone yells something to me in hebrew i dont understand, or i walk into a store and cant find what i want to eat because i can't find what i like written in hebrew, or i want to call all my family and friends back home but dont have the minutes on my phone to do so, or i think of the future and what may or may not happen and i feel so uncomfortable and scared.

then i go back to feeling as though life can't get better here. its like that almost everyday. one thought thats amazing and one that pulls you out of your comfort zone.

i guess i cant wish for anything more. to be able to feel in your zone and out, and to feel forced to figure this life out because all around you it is so uncertain and unfamiliar is one of the most heart wrenching but most refreshing feelings imaginable.

i feel like a better person after coming to israel. i feel more fulfilled as a person, i feel more loved, i feel more loving, i feel more knowledgeable, and i feel like i have learned more so i can give back to the world more.

im not sure if i will write more after this. kristen sent me a quote awhile back that always gives me chills and encompasses the journey i have been taking and many people are as well. i almost dont trust that i am moving back home to california, because it has been 5 years, but its happening and i am scared and excited and terrified and thrilled all in the same breath.

We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time. -TS Eliot

nearing the end

2 more days and ill be back in the states. yesterday the girls and i went for our last shakshuka brunch.

mia and zo walking back home on king george st (where we live)

after brunch i took a core class at the gym with tals, after that i stayed and rode the bike so by the time i got back it was 6ish. i packed a bit and then got ready for our last night out as a group since most people are leaving tomorrow.

the last night was at galina-where the girls and i usually end up on a night out. there were probably 60 of us there from the program and most of the night was spent out on the patio area chatting....and drinking.

we came back around 3:30am and fell asleep. mia and i had our last day of volunteer so we woke up at the early hour of 11am (this is a habit that will need to change the second i get home, however this is israeli sleeping habits as well so cheers to transformation). we got to the "day care" and there were about 4 new babies so it was jam packed. for some reason today the true impact of what these kids and their families have to go through really hit me. maybe it was the heat and the uncomfortable conditions and the crowded room and knowing it was my last time seeing these kids.

we only stayed for about 45 minutes today because we had to get going and pack, tie up other loose ends, etc. i held michael most of the time and some of the new babies. constans (who runs the place and is from ethiopia) gave us a huge hug as we were saying goodbye and kept thanking us for everything. then...

"i dont have gold, or money to give you, i wish i did. but i do have prayer. you are christian's right?"-constans

mia and i are quite for a second but it feels like 15 seconds. then i hear mia say "yes" very quietly.

"you are?"-constans

"yes yes" mia and i say as we dont look at her. haha. it was one of those moments where you just had to go along with it. she assumed we were, and we know she is very very religious, so we just went with yes to make it less awkward.

then constants took our hands and starts praying "OOOO JESUS LORD OF NAZARETH. THANK YOU FOR BRINGING MIA AND SARA TO US. WE DONT KNOW THEIR FAMILIES BUT BLESS THEM. I DONT HAVE SILVER, I DONT HAVE GOLD, I DONT HAVE DOLLARS, BUT I DO HAVE PRAYER. THANK YOU LORD FOR EVERYTHING. THANK YOU LORD JESUS FOR ALL OF YOUR LOVE. THANK YOU FOR SENDING US MIA AND SARA. THESE ICONS OF LIGHT. THESE ICONSSSS OF HOPE. THESE ICONSSS......"

you get the picture. it sounded like we were in one of those gospels where the preacher yells at the top of their lungs and everyone is crying and screaming. i had my head down and my eyes closed but mia was laughing non stop. luckily her head was turned so it really just looked like she was crying.

anyway, i kept my eyes closed and opened them every once in awhile to look at constans who was lost in her prayer. it was an interesting moment because it was comedic since it was SO intense, but also was sad because this is what she leans on and this is what she has in her life. i attempted to be as respectful as possible and feel the power she was sending however it was so hot in there, and the prayer went on for a good 5 minutes, and i had sweat dripping down my face so i was starting to get distracted/wanted it to end. when she did finish and we said our amens, she hugged us again and was crying. it was an extremely emotional, surreal moment and one that neither mia and i NEVER thought would be a part of our lives.

once we left mia and i couldnt stop laughing since we declared ourselves as christian our last day in israel.

after that mia and i met the girls at benedicts (our favorite 24 hour breakfast place) for our last meal there. eating there is like an event because you get unlimited bread and spreads. we were there for about 2 hours. at the end of our meal we started talking about how much we mean to each other which led us all to start crying at the table together. i said something along the lines of "my future would never has been as good if i didnt have you all enter my life". its true and i think one of the hardest parts about leaving israel will be not being able to see them whenever i want, everyday.

anywho, enough sappiness. i've been packing and i took a break to write this. i have to get back to packing. tonight we will probably go sit on the beach and reflect together on the last 5 months. and life goes on, and on, and on...

EGYPT

i am back in israel after a WHIRLWIND of a trip. when i say whirlwind i mean many a thing: emotional highs and lows, fatigue, aw struck, thankful, appreciative, dirty, exhilaration, etc.

aviva and i went to the central bus station together and met up with dustin there. i passed out on the bus within 10 minutes due to my not-able-to-stay-awake-on-busses syndrome. 2 hours into the bus ride i woke up and decided to read my book. at one point, as i read, i thought about how i was excited to get a new stamp on my passport....MY PASSPORT. i shot my head up, turned to dustin and aviva who were sitting in the aisle next to me and told them i forgot it. both of their mouths dropped open. i started panicking in my head, thinking of driving 5 hours to eilat, having to pay all that money but not go, and having to take the 5 hour bus ride back being pyramid experience-less.

after freaking out for a minute with dustin and aviva i called tomer at desert eco tours, who helped me book the tour.

"i forgot my passport tomer. i dont know what to do"-me

"what? oh no"-tomer

"i know, i know. i dont know how i could have forgotten it"-me

"where is it?"-tomer

"tel aviv"-me

"do you have someone there that can get ahold of it"-tomer

"yeah, i think so"-me

"call them, if they can bring it to the airport, call me back"-tomer

"tals, its sara"-me

"omg sara! hi! whats going on??"-tals

"i forgot my passport"-me

"WHAT! OH MY GD" tals

"i know. can you do me a huge favor?"-me

"of course. just tell me what to do?"-tals

"can you bring it to the airport in TA?"-me

"yes yes"-tals

tals and the girls got in a cab, went to the TA airport and met up with the head of security who gave it to security on a flight to eilat where my passport landed at 11pm. after i heard they videotaped the whole adventure and titled it "forgetting sarah's passport" (haha kristen) and also "hey guys? have you seen my passport?"

tomer picked it up and brought it to me at midnight right before we drove to the border. i swear, only in israel. it was incredible.

when we first got to eilat we had 2 hours to kill so we had dinner on the main strip then waited for the tour to come get us at the bus station. here aviva and i prepared with all our water.

there ended up being 3 other people on our tour. a husband and wife (they looked our age but were 28ish) and the girls mother who was from columbia. the girl, adriana, still had a columbian accent but has been living in the states for 10 years now. come to find out on the tour adriana and her husband started a not for profit 2 years ago that has really taken off. they both work at different governmental agencies in DC during the day but then have their np at night. they work NON stop. it really was inspirational. their np is now sponsored by underarmor because they both run marathons and do triathlons with teams to raise money and awareness. the organization is called the high cloud foundation. they were in israel for one of their schools that is located in bethlehem.

anywho we went across the border which took about 1 hour and then entered taba, egypt.

at the border

the man that helped us across the border (3 ppl were involved in the process of picking us up in israel, getting us across the border and handing us off to our drivers) brought us across the street to our van. we had 2 drivers and a security guard who were all from egypt but they didnt speak english. we piled into the van and i instantly laid down to try and fall asleep for the 7 hour drive (it was 1:30am at this point).

our home for the next 24 hours

i couldnt sleep for the first 2 hours because it was freezing in the car and it was SO bumpy. i never have been on a bumpier ride. literally my whole body would bounce up and down every 15 seconds. i finally fell asleep after the first rest stop 2 hours in. at one point i woke up after a very large bump and sat up to look around--all i could see was dessert around me. there were a few bumps where i am pretty sure the whole car flew up in the air.

around 6:30am we stopped off in egypt at a bus stop to take a little break. we woke up feeling gross however i still felt great. aviva and i brushed our teeth next to the van. im not sure why but i made a face like i wanted to cry haha.

after we brushed our teeth we went back on the van for another 2 hours. we all passed out but i think our tour guide was running late so we just drove around. i woke up at one point and looked outside. it was a serious culture shock. i havent been in that islamic of a country before. jordan i guess was like that but we werent in as much of a bustling city so it wasn't everywhere you looked--esp all of the women that were covered.

our tour guide greeted us and brought a bunch of croissants and juice on board and then we were off to the pyramids.

i first glimpsed them as we were driving through the city. it was shocking because they were like a backdrop to the city below. i pictured them to be far off in the dessert, not as if they were a skyscraper in NYC. they were breathtaking though. it was as if you looked up and just saw all of this power overlooking the city and people below.

i ended up wearing a long dress and little shawl to stay covered. there were a lot of women walking around wearing little shorts but i felt much more comfortable knowing i tried to fit in with the culture at least a little bit. i wasn't cat called at all while i was there--idk if it is due to showing less skin or not but it was nice to not have to deal with it.

i found out there were 96 pyramids in egypt. i had NO idea. i thought there were just a few. we saw the pyramids in giza and the sphinx. they really were breathtaking and shocking. i have no idea how they could have been man made. our tour guide kind of pushed us along to each one. he was nice at times but i had this weird vibe from him, as if he was having a very bad day and was trying to just push through it. at one point on our way to the pyramids he listed what was beyond us in the west, east, north and south. when we got to east he said there was "taba, then palestine". it stung a bit to not hear israel acknowledged but i tried to just shake it off. here we are at the pyramids...

we stayed at the pyramids for almost 2 hours. afterwards we went to this paper shop.

it was art on a special paper from this egyptian plant. it was obvious they brought us there as some kind of commission if we bought anything. aviva dustin and i just walked around. one of the sales girls came over to ask where we were coming from. all three of us grew quiet. finally aviva said "we are just visiting for a day then going back"..."to where?" the girl asked... we were all quiet. it was so awkward. it was as if we all felt better being quiet then saying israel. it is an awful feeling to think we have to be concerned about being vocal of where we come from. we should have just said canada, but it was interesting how all three of us didnt say anything at all and were all cautious about what came out, or didnt come out, of our mouths.

our feet were hurting and our tour guide was sitting near a desk with a few other men. dustin said we should go over there and sit with them but there was a thought that flashed through my head of what they would do if aviva and i did sit with them. on the other side of the wall i saw all of the women sitting having lunch apart from the men. would they be angry if we did? would they say anything? we ended up walking over but our tour guide stood up and went somewhere else. finally the other half of our group was ready to leave as well and then we headed to lunch at this buffet. the food was good but the dessert was better. it was like honey baklava but without the nuts in the baklava.

after lunch we headed to the bazaar. it was about 2pm at this point.

outside the entry to the bazaar

we went early in order to avoid the tourist rush. the bazaar was beautiful. it was all covered and had such a pleasant feel, even with all of the store keepers trying to get us to buy their goods.

aviva in the bazaar

it got to a point where i began to ignore some of the shopkeepers when they would keep trying to sell me something. i hated that feeling afterwards though--where i realized that i ignored another human being instead of just looking them in the eye and saying "no". its almost like i began to dehumanize them because they would all be around me, yelling, or trying to get my attention. it was awful, and then i tried to change my reaction but its hard to.

we walked all the way through before we bought anything. there was one store where i really liked the scarves so i told the owner i would come back. when i finally did come back 30 minutes later he seemed so grateful and surprised. he shook my hand and brought me back over to the scarves. it was a very genuine moment and i felt as if i partnered up with him...like we were in this together. it sounds silly but in an environment like that, when people are yelling to sell practically the same thing, its as if a small gesture as just coming back feels like a mutual trust and respect even without knowing the person.

me with my new ring (i buy a ring from each new country i travel to)

outside the bazaar

after the bazaar we met back up with our tour guide...

yes i have dirt on my face in the picture. when i say we were dirty--i mean DIRTY.

and then went to the cairo museum. we werent allowed to take pictures there. we were there for about an hour. it was really interesting because it made the pyramids come to life. we saw all of king tutankhamun. i stupidly said "king tut" and our tour guide was like "no no, TUTANKHAMUNNNN". at around 5 we had to start heading back to make sure we got back to eilat in time for our bus.

i was really itching to get back into israel. it is always thrilling to be in another country but i do always feel a bit uncomfortable being in an arab country. i love it, and i try to embrace parts of the culture, try and get to know the people and be open to everything but i also can't help but be on guard as well due to my background or where i am coming from. i feel very different. the area isn't anything that i am familiar with. i dont know all of the customs, what would be offensive, the sense of humor, the language, etc. however, i still tried to take in what i could and understand the new ways of life i was experiencing and seeing.

while i didnt get to see a large amount of the culture due to running around and touring, the people i came across all seemed very genuine and kind. our drivers, while they couldnt speak english, gave us smiles that seemed so real and the look in their eyes so gentle it seemed as if we were friends with just our facial expressions.

i slept for 4 or so of the 7 hour drive. the last 2 hours i just stared outside the window of the van. we were going through dessert but the moon was so bright you could see everything, even some mountains in the dessert. as i bumped up in down in my chair, feeling delirious from exhaustion my mind was still racing.

i thought about a lot of different things--including but not limited too being thankful for what i was just able to do & see, realizing i am turning 25 and how old that may actually be, relationships, my future, israel, the middle east, the moon, sleep, the future, my family, picturing my trip to the east coast in august, the bus ride back from eilat, g-d, my last few days in israel, my first night back at home in CA, etc etc etc.

we had to hustle across the border at midnight to get our 1am bus.

at the bus station in eilat after a crazy 32 hours

the bus ride back was a bit hellish and i woke up with my butt hurting so badly i thought i was going to have to take a lap down the aisle. aviva and i stumbled back to beit leni around 6:45am (dustin went on to jerusalem). i showered, as i think i smelled like a dog, and then jumped into bed. i woke up here and there but didnt get out of bed until 2:30pm haha. i still feel a bit out of it. i went to lunch with rach and adam and now i am here! i've been blogging for like 2 hours now.

im going to go to the gym i think, start packing, and probably go out for drinks tonight. i can't believe i am already back from egypt. it was such a whirlwind, but a wonderful spin it was indeed.

you dont own me--the video!

one of the guy's on our program posted our "you dont own me" talent show performance on youtube. woot

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kSxBYAZ9zRg

EGYPT TODAY

I'm leaving for egypt later today! i think i am in shock about going/dont know what i am getting myself into because this trip is crazyyy. here is the breakdown...

sunday

5pm-10pm bus to eilat

10pm-12am down time in eilat

 

monday

12am-6am bus to egypt

6am-5pm tour egypt

5-10pm bus to eilat

10pm-1am downtime in eilat

tuesday

1am-6am bus back to tel aviv

i am going with dustin from my program and aviva who is from the summer program. i have to make this quick because i need to run around and start packing. i realized i semi need to pack because i am away from home for 2 nights--even though i am sleeping on either a bus or a van haha. 

just to back track on friday night we had our last shabbat dinner on the roof. that night we were too full to go out so the girls and i came back to our room around midnight and then just chatted down here.

on saturday it was mias bday (wooooo!). dana and tamar (girls on our program) got mia a hotel room on the beach for her bday and invited me and the girls to come hang out at the pool that day. 

we had a glorious day by the water.

that night was mias bday dinner at this RIDICIULOUSLY beautiful restaurant in neve tzedek. 

after dinner we met up with a bunch of other people on program who were out celebrating lelila's bday at villa and we danced for a couple hours.

anywho, thats it. i am going to go to the gym, run errands, come back and pack and then go to egypt! 

i am so excited but sometimes, when you know the touring will be hot and tiring, its hard to not think of the day when you will have DONE it and then be back in your own bed safely haha. does that make sense or do i sound like an old woman?

yalla bye

you dont own meee

i have been wanting to post a few pictures for the past couple days but it has been difficult without having my late night time to write. I am going to do a break down of the week...

Monday

volunteered with the babies, and let constans (the woman who runs it) know that last week would be our last one. its going to be so hard to say goodbye to these kids. there is a lot going on in israel right now concerning the refugees and asylum seekers here--and none of it is good. a lot of them have a huge risk of getting sent back "home" due to a new law that was passed. its really awful and i am going to post something later about ways to get involved to help them.

after that i went to the community center to teach english. the first class had 5 people and the second class just had one. when i told the first class i wouldn't be coming back they were all SO nice and didnt stop thanking me for teaching them the last 2 weeks. i kept wishing them good luck and telling them they would speaking english in no time. again, i almost started crying. they asked why i was going home and i said to be near my family and one of the men said he hasnt seen his mom in 3 years. 

here is the classroom i taught in...

and here is the board after the class.

one of the men said he works at a restaurant and someone asked him for a "Side dish" and he asked me to explain what it was. it was pretty difficult with limited english so i tried drawing a plate of food haha. you'll see my great drawing skills. they also asked how to properly ask "whats up?" and why we ask that, and how they should respond. it was really fun explaining it to them and we were all laughing a lot together.

that night the girls and i choreographed our dance for the career israel talent show.

Tuesday

one of the leaders on career israel asked if i would go to a meeting with a couple other participants to meet with the treasurer of the jewish agency and a few others to discuss what we do on the program, why we decided to come, how to get other people to come on the program with a business background, etc. it was really interesting to meet with them but at first i felt like i was back at work in a meeting. hello real world. here are the career israel ppl in the room before the jewish agency group arrived...

after that i went to the artist fair for a couple hours, and practiced the dance with the girls, and packed for our closing ceremonies overnight.

Wednesday/Thursday

we left around 10 to go to shefaim and checked into our hostel. we had a discussion group on what we gained out of our internships, stories we have, etc. there was a closing ceremony with a slide show and we received certificates. really nice, but i think i left mine behind at the hotel haha. 

that night was the TALENT SHOW and Mr. and Ms. Career Israel. 

then it was time for our lip sync. i dont have the video on this computer yet, but when i do i will post it. it is hilarious. i think we rocked the house. after the ceremony we had a dance party in the room until 2am--it was so much fun. today we went to the water park and i almost had a panic attack before i went down the big slide (Not as big as the ones in the states but it was straight down at one part that freaked me out) but i did it and half of the pool at the end went up my nose.

i am back at the apt now. i am 90% sure that i am going to egypt on sunday. i am a little panicky about going so soon before i go home but i know its worth it in the end and if i didnt go i'd just be hanging out TA anyway. 

i am starting to get really excited about going home. i am just as upset to leave israel but i cant wait to get home, see my family, see my friends and start my life there. 

anywho, i am going to go hit up the gym.

yalla bye

sara

night out/broken computer

last night the girls and i went dancing at galina. it was a great night per usual and i was in the mood for drinks and a late night out. one of my favorite feelings is being in a bar, having a song come on you love, dancing with girlfriends and moving your body to every single beat that sounds and getting lost in the moment in the dark room when the strobe light is going on and off throughout the club. im adding that to my list of things that make me happy. its such a release.

here are some pictures....oh and we also saw bar rafeli there for the 3rd time. i think she goes there almost every night.

i came home around 4am and decided it would be a good time to update my computer with system updates (real bright of me). i ended up turning my computer off midway through because i wanted to go to sleep and it was taking forever. anyway, long story short my computer is now broken and can't be fixed until i get back to the states and use my installation cds to reboot everything. i feel lost without the technology but maybe it will be another freeing experience. i am on zo's computer now but if i dont update for a few days this is why.

thats it! tonight the girls and i are going for MEXICAN food. we are travelling to florentine for this goodness and supposedly the people who run it are mexican immigrants. im salivating at the thought already.

tomorrow i am volunteering with the babies and then teaching english at night. im still in denial that i have already been here for 4.5 months.