bomb scare

its almost 6pm and 15 minutes ago me and the girls were all lying in bed resting (i was just starting to wake up from a nap. we had a very late night last night) when i heard the bomb siren start. the bomb siren sounds like a high pitched horn but it goes up in down in volume and pitch as it sounds. it was as if time stopped for a split second, then me and all the girls all started talking and asking "is that a drill?" 

there was a drill yesterday that we had known about for a long time. israel has an annual bomb drill where the siren sounds and everyone is supposed to go to their bomb shelter. i was at work yesterday when it happened (we didnt do anything at work) but if people were at the apartment they were supposed to go to our bomb shelter--so the girls, who were home, knew where it was.

looking back its interesting to see what we did, what we brought, etc. zo and i were in pajamas not really suitable for the outside so we threw on different bottoms. i first grabbed a pair of sweat pants but then remembered its around 80 degrees outside so i grabbed a pair of shorts. all of us grabbed our purses, cell phones, and a bottle of water. i was frantically looking around for my sandals, and praying that this wasnt actually happening, and i just got awful images of hearing a bomb drop somewhere nearby. 

the whole time we were grabbing our things, it felt like minutes but in actuality it was probably only 30 seconds. we were all talking to each other/ourselves but saying a jumble of things like "oh my g-d, hurry hurry hurry, are you bringing your purse? shit i can't wear these pajama boxers out, i need my phone (thinking of calling my family right away to say i am ok), if this is a drill wouldn't they have told us? oh my g-d" and i could feel my heart racing in my chest.

we ran outside the door, down the stairs and down the alley way because the bomb shelter is on the other side of the building. 

the whole time the bomb siren was sounding. the walk down the alleyway, hearing the siren, even felt like a minute when it was really only 10 seconds. all of my senses felt so aware and the thoughts in my head were going so fast i dont even know what i was thinking. we were almost to the end of the alley way when we saw people walking down the street like normal and then the siren stopped. 

we stopped in our tracks and asked each other what was going on and then we heard "giiirrlllssss" (think thick israeli accent) being yelled from the roof top above.

it was itay who is our age, and he lives in our building and does any maintenance that needs to be done. "Girlllss its fine, its a drill". 

"huh? are you serious?" we all started laughing and hugging each other and saying "oh my g-d. thank g-d". itay said that if it was real he would tell us before the siren even went off.

we walked back to out apartment. talia called her mom right away because she ran off of skype with her saying "the bomb siren is going off". as we were walking back i felt an urge to cry but once we got back to the apartment i went into the bathroom and as i washed my hands i began crying. i was still shaking a little from the adrenaline going through my body a minute earlier. as i was crying i mostly thought about how awful it is that this is the world we live in and we have to run to a shelter because a bomb may be dropped on israel due to another country, another person, another "leader" not wanting us here just because of who we are. i thought about gaza too and how it was for them and every where else and it felt like a huge surge of emotion coming out.

when i came back i had a text on my phone from jonathan (the guy i have been dating the last week or so. he is a friend of a friend who set us up. this is a whole other blog entry). he made a joke about the siren and i wrote back how we didnt know it was drill and he ran to the shelter. he wrote back...

"you girls aren't israeli yet"

"haha idk if ill ever be israeli enough to not run when i hear the siren. how did you know it was a drill?"

"i didnt know it was a drill. im just used to living under constant threat on our existence. its actually pretty sad. what are you up to?"

a few minutes after that itay came by to check up on us. he said again that if, g-d forbid, we do need to go to the bomb shelter he would either get a call or sms from the IDF security office first and he'd let us know. he said that he didnt know there was going to be a drill either, but in tel aviv people typically dont go to the bomb shelter anyway during a drill. in sderot, he said, they always react to a drill (sderot is in the south next to gaza) but in tel aviv there isn't that same kind of threat. 

its been over an hour since i started this since ive  been gchatting as well, so i feel a lot more calm now. that whole minute of time, which felt like 5 minutes i can hear and see vividly and feel that emotion though. im not sure if i will ever forget that. 

the funny thing is that even with this happening, i still feel safe here--i know i am safe here just as safe as anywhere (for the most part). yes i think of a suicide bomber or something happening when i am on a bus, or in a mall, or in a crowded place, but im not scared because i dont think there is a real chance of it happening again anytime soon. 

to hear the siren was strange because i thought to myself about how at work when the fire alarm would go off we would get our things, slowly, and make our way down outside but it never felt like a real threat. is this how these sirens are also? part of me felt like i should have that reaction as well--to just ignore it, but then you think about the situation here and the whole view changes.

anyway.

i am still laying in bed and i think i am going to go get some food now. i have a love/hate relationship for having days where i dont do anything. i love it because it feels good but inside i also hate myself for not being productive and LIVING life. the good thing is that i probably wont have another day like this for the next two weeks so i might as well live it up. i can't even get myself to go to the gym right now--so i think ill go get some dinner. 

life is weird. i can go through something like the bomb siren sounding and then life is back to normal as evidence by the above paragraph.